Do I have to give everything, all the time?
If you are caring for someone with significant needs in their daily activities, you know that it can feel all encompassing and overwhelming at times. Even if you love them and even if you are fulfilled by caring, you are likely to burnout without support and active management of your mental, physical, and spiritual health. If you’re rolling your eyes in exasperation right now thinking:
Well, how am I supposed to find time for myself with all of my other responsibilities? or Who will take care of my loved one while I’m tending my spiritual garden then?
just stick with me. This is not extra, this is not optional.
As a caregiver, you have rights.
In 1996, Jo Horne published Caregiving: Helping an Aging Loved One, that contained the following Caregiver Bill of Rights.
I have the right to:
To take care of myself. This is not an act of selfishness. It will give me the capacity to take better care of my relative.
To seek help from others even though my relative may object. I recognize the limits of my own endurance and strength.
To maintain facets of my own life that do not include the person I care for, just as I would if he or she were healthy. I know that I do everything that I reasonably can for this person, and I have the right to do some things for myself.
To get angry, be depressed, and express other difficult feelings occasionally.
To reject any attempt by my relative (either conscious or unconscious) to manipulate me through guilt, anger, or depression.
To receive consideration, affection, forgiveness, and acceptance for what I do for my loved one for as long as I offer these qualities in return.
To take pride in what I am accomplishing and to applaud the courage it has sometimes taken to meet the needs of my relative.
To protect my individuality and my right to make a life for myself that will sustain me in the time when my relative no longer needs my full-time help.
To expect and demand that as new strides are made in finding resources to aid physically and mentally impaired older persons in our country, similar strides will be made toward aiding and supporting caregivers.
Your contributions are so important. You are so needed.
This is precisely why it’s critical to take time to take care of yourself. If this is news to you, or if this seems impossible, it’s not. Just because you haven’t done it yet, doesn’t mean you can’t do it now.
Need someone to help you get started? Here are 3 places you can start today:
Alzheimer’s Association 24/7 helpline: 800-272-3900
Alzheimer’s Foundation of America: 1-866-232-8484, text 646-586-5283, or chat online at alzfdn.org
Alzheimer’s and Related Dementias Education and Referral Center: 800-438-4380 or adear@nia.nih.gov
And in case you haven’t heard it in awhile (or ever)…